Well, 2008 is officially drawing to a close. It has been an interesting year for most I suppose. It seems that I haven’t deleted too many pictures from my digital camera in a while, so I’ve had the opportunity to scan through them and remember several important events this year.
In the beginning of the year, I had a pretty new beginning with a new boss--Jena-- at work. I found myself quickly in a love-hate relationship with her, struggling once again with the ability to maintain a healthy working relationship while striving to create healthy, personal relationships simultaneously. Business was rocky, as our goal became simply trying to keep up with LY. Shortly into the year, we learned that we would be closing and renovating to evolve into a new-concept store. Anxious about the change, yet stuck in a rut, I struggled with taking a step out of my comfort zone in order to pursue my long-term dreams and goals. Within the first couple of months into the year, I decided to again try to get into Grad school, this time applying to several schools with the hopes of getting into one. Despite my anger with myself and with her, Jena pushed me through the process, and I was able to prove to her and everyone else that I had what it takes. I was loving my apartment at the AMLI, but pretty much hated working at the mall, living day to day without accomplishing much, and having few healthy relationships. My relationship with Frank fluctuated throughout the year again, as I finally succumbed to thinking more than feeling. After giving so much of myself to him and spending much of my time learning what qualities I desire and do not desire in a lifelong partner, there were times I imagined myself being with him forever, and times I knew for sure that I couldn’t be.
After getting accepted to Marshall, Alabama, Middle Tennessee, and Auburn, I had an interview in March at Auburn, where I decided it was time for a change, and Auburn would be the place. Praying that I had made the right decision, I quickly stepped away mentally from my job and began living day by day, living for the day I would become a student once again. In April, my energy was drained, and it turned out that my fatigue and ill feelings weren’t just attributed to de-motivation and depression, but to Mono. Knowing something more was wrong, I found myself at Northside in the ER, which is where a blood test determined I had Mono. Visits to a Rheumatologist also created a vague and unclear diagnosis or reason for other abnormal blood results, not to mention some more worry for my parents. Mono almost killed me mentally as a result of the physical fatigue and draining of my body. I prayed daily that the symptoms would go away and I would be free again! Finally, but not definitively, the symptoms regressed and I was able to go back to work again, once again to a day to day routine where I was mentally checked out.
Not too many days after getting the diagnosis of Mono, I was a part of Lisa and Chris’ wedding. Though a little difficult physically, the wedding was a blast and was a part of a few more great memories and photos.
My 25th birthday was pretty uneventful, I’d say. Actually, I have to think hard to remember what I even did. I believe we took a family trip to the beach and celebrated together in Destin. I had some fun relaxing (aka sleeping) on the beach, as I was still recovering from Mono. Chris gave us some laughs, as usual, as did my dad after having a few too many drinks on the beach, and falling while trying to carry the cooler back up to our hotel. Lol.
June brought bittersweet excitement, as my last day at Nike was June 30th, and I began to prepare to start school at Auburn. Unfortunately, I had to pay 2 month’s rent to get out of my lovely apartment lease at the AMLI, but knew it was part of taking the next step. My peeps at Nike all went our separate ways, and after much drama, Jena ended up leaving us before the store even closed. When it was all said and done, Shannon (my brotha from anothA motha) and I were left standing in the white-walls where we had once started something great, and now were saying goodbye. It was indeed bittersweet.
I spent July packing and yet being rebelliously lazy. In the middle of the month, Frank and I went to Texas, and I had the opportunity to really see his roots at home. Despite our vague relationship definition, we had a great time hanging out with his family and friends and learning more about each other. I also spent a lot of time in July watching the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing. The games were both an amazing production by China and great competition among the world’s athletes. Go Michael Phelps and USA Gymnastics! To my disappointment, there will be no more Olympic softball in the coming Games.
At the first of August, I left my lovely one-bedroom and moved to the hizzie in Creekside in Auburn, Alabama. My excitement and fears met all at once as I stepped into a new place with very few friends, and my doubts as to whether or not I was making the right decision personally. I spent the first couple of weeks getting acquainted with my roommates and getting used to living with others again. I also stepped away from my relationship with Frank a little, but it was difficult being that I felt so alone in Auburn. Overcoming my own anxieties and Dr. Davis’ concerns of my mental well-being, I started grad school and a new chapter of my life.
Being a student again changed a lot of things in my life, particularly the social aspects. I found myself making an extended effort to participate in outtings with my roommates and new friends, and yet trying to find time to spend alone, trying to find a balance between sanity and insanity. I also [continue to] struggle with going to classes 3 days a week, not having a routine, not living in a space all my own, and not working regularly. Despite everyone else laughing at me, it is tougher than it seems. Becoming financially dependent on my parents again was the absolute LAST thing I ever wanted to do again. While I am not completely dependent on them, I’ve had to learn to accept from them more than I’d like to. I often remind myself, though, that I should be independent again in just a couple of years.
Relationships continue to be difficult for me. While part of me remains isolated and fearful of close relationships, another part of me desires to pour myself out to someone else and find something worthy of all my efforts. The fear of others’ perception of me worries me beyond belief and yet I try to keep it inside with the hopes that maybe it is just all in my head.
For the first time in my life, I have seen my family operate on a budget more tightly than ever before. While I know that we have many blessings to count, this is a year that led to unemployment for my brother, my dad, and myself! I never thought I’d see the day. For Chris, a layoff from RCS meant losing his stable job and benefits, where his struggling business was merely supplemental. For my dad, a beach vacation turned permanent when he came back from Destin to find his office packed by his store owner.
In September, I watched my silly but beloved second brother get married in Hilton Head, SC.
My solitary road trip took place a little differently this year in that I drove to Memphis to hang out with my cousins and go to the Auburn v. Ole Miss football game. It was a lot of driving, but it was fun, and on the trip from Tupelo to Auburn, I got to have some great conversation with Shannon. Reconnecting (or simply connecting at a different level) with my cousin Kim has been great, since much of my family has been bitterly out of touch and distant. Kim and I get to share things that only family can understand, and we have both vowed to stop some of the P family’s vicious and cyclical habits!!
The “Holidays” this year meant staying with my parents for longer terms and not working in retail for the first time in 10 years! It was a little difficult to pack bags for 3 weeks and stay in my parents’ house for more than 2 days in a row! Though I am thankful for the time, I would never give up my independence from them!! At 25, it is a little frustrating to accept the habits of your near-60 year-old parents and be critiqued on how you make grilled cheese sandwiches and wash dishes!
Well, I suppose that is 2008 in a nutshell….Ohhhh what a year! In the coming year, I expect to continue my education in grad school (can I keep my 4.0??), maintain old and create new friendships, learn more about myself as always, draw more near to family, and get at least a step closer to my goals. Here’s to good health and bigger and better memories in 2009!!!
