Bad Decision

Well it has been one very long week. I completed my goal of not taking any naps during the day all week. It has been pretty warm all week, and then on game day, the temp dropped like 20 degrees. So of all games, we were in the shade the WHOLE game and the wind was blowing so hard! It was finally my idea of a college football game! Anyways, we played a great game, and almost pulled out a win against Georgia. We were cheering and screaming the whole time, and I could feel my face literally getting burned by the wind. We hung out with friends afterwards, and watched a few Georgia fans (friends of friends) get plastered in the middle of the day...by drinking lots of alcohol very quickly out of a plastic tube attached to a funnel (I know what it is, but I laugh secretly at the hilarity of its actuality). And people laughed. I sat, as if completely outside of the situation, in unbelief of this college "regularity". Is it really so fun?

Anyways, we came home and showered, and I should have listened to my gut, which was suggesting maybe I stay home, rest, and get to bed earlier so that I could get to church, Waumba Land, and feel well enough to write my paper in the afternoon. Instead, not wanting to be left out, and desiring so badly to see B that I couldn't not go. So again, I found myself sitting amongst all these college kids drink drink drinking. At some point, they started a "power hour" as they had the night before at another girl's house. Once again, everyone else was doing it, so I joined, taking a small shot of rum and coke, and then vodka and sprite, once a minute as the song changed. Thinking unclearly, I thought "At least they aren't pure shots" and "I will skip a few", I finished almost 2 cups of mixed beverages. And then it hit me. I am drunk now. But hey, so was everyone else. This is fun, right?

At some point, we went to a bar. And somehow I managed to get more money out of hte ATM with everyone else, because the stupid place wanted $10 just to get in. I don't know how I pressed the right buttons. I really did not need to spend any more money this weekend, but everyone else was. If everyone else can afford it, why can't I? Uggh.

Crazyness. It wasn't long before I found myself sitting on the steps to the dance floor. Texting drunk texts. Hoping that B would find me. I don't know why I cared. Or care. Why? I should have stayed home. At some point, I started crying, and I knew I was out of control and had no chance of regaining it. I just wanted to die. At least until it was over. Ugh. What were people thinking of me? Just take me home and let me die,too.

I don't want to think about it anymore. I just want to forget it all. I don't want to even drink out of a cup because it makes me think about it again. Ohh I am stupid, why did I take my med when I got home? that could not have helped my situation. I would have rather just gotten up and thrown up and gotten it over with.

Hopefully this will now help me write my paper, as it is 5:30 and I didn't get out of bed until 4. Ughh must get going. Make it all go away. Stop thinking, but think. I know, it makes NO sense.

Here's to making the smarter decision next time, even if I don't feel cool about it.