STOP

I really need to stop focusing on this so-called "diagnosis" so much and start focusing on The Prize. I have invested soo much time and energy into creating playlists, reading about BPD, reading other self-help books, texting my life away, compulsively texting and emailing people, pushing people away, which is exactly what I want to stop doing. I dont' want to change, but I want to change. What is the scripture about knowing what I don't want to do but I still do what I do not want to do? Yeah that's it. I have become absolutely obsessed with trying to figure out how I can get people to understand and know and accept me. Dr. Kurtz, Kristin, Shannon, Kim, etc. etc., even my own self. Emptyness = depression. Emptyness = lack of faith. What is it? What Laws do apply to us as God's people and which ones do not? He is attracted to lost sheep. But does He think of me as a lost one or just one of the 99 that sins? He loves me no matter what-nothing can separate us. But we are not to sin just because we know we will be forgiven. What does this mean??????? I am so confused and yet so caught up in obsessively thinking and it just won't stopppp.

My goal for this week is to limit texting. It has proven to be a little destructive lately. So I am going to try to keep it to Mom, Dad, Frank, and school MATTERS only. Not just school people, but only school issues. And the cell phone should be hidden when I drink. That would be the wiser decision. Period.