Maybe I can make a difference...

Well, I haven't written in a while again, I guess some because I haven't had much time, some because I've been writing a little in a handwritten journal,and I guess some because I just haven't been motivated to do so.

Anyway, I wanted to write about something I just experienced before I forget it.

This afternoon, I tested a 13 year old boy in the lab, and both of his parents came to fill out their questionairres, as well. He kind of had the "punk" look, with longer dark hair, a black t-shirt, baggy jeans, and dirty Puma shoes. He was really quiet and didn't have much to say when I tried to strike up some conversation or make some silly remarks. Needless to say, I was really interested in figuring him out in the time that I was spending with him. During the cognitive test, I wavered on thinking he was really smart, average, and the amount of effort he was making in each subtest. On the first subtest, I knew the words that most kids his age know. On the numbers reversed and the numbers/things subtests, he spent little energy trying to remember numbers, but when he did, he knew them. On the concept formation, he must not have been paying attention to the directions because he wasn't really following them. In fact, I repeated them for him a couple of times, going against my own training and instructions, but I just KNEW that he would respond with the correct answers if he understood the directions clearly. In the number matching subtest, I was curious because he circled the 1 and 2 digit numbers so quickly that I was astonished. But when he got to the 3 digit numbers, it seemed that they really were jumbled up in his mind. All in all, he did a really good job on the test.

In the physio session, I was a bit hesitant as to his comfort level with Maria and me putting electrodes on him and explaining the procedure to him. He was very modest, as most teenagers are, but still really quiet. Throughout the session, he stayed very still as instructed, but for the most part, he hung his head down so that his hair was in his face. I've seen a lot of different behaviors behind that 2-way mirror, but this kid just stuck out for me.

When we finished with the physio, his parents came back into the lab from their smoke break- Sophie took D (the kid) into the room for the questionairres, adn his parents immediately confronted me to tell me of their concerns about their child. They proceeded to tell me that they were worried about him because he is so introverted, and that his grandmother, grandfather, and great-grandmother had all died in the last few months, and that they - his parents- were divorced but are now reconciling their differences and are back together (they say this while putting arms around each other and smiling). They also told me that he has an older sister who is a trophy queen of sports, academics, and popularity, and that he lives in her shadow all the time. When I asked about how they get along, they laughed and said not very well because he feels so inferior to her because of all of her accollades and apparently she rubs them all in his face. I further asked about his interests, and they told me that he enjoys cars, drag racing, and he loves reading. They said he has always loved to read and reiterated how much of an introvert he is. I also asked about his school performance, and they said he has always been a great student and still is- he just doesn't have the trophies to show for it. I asked about his peer relationships, and they said he does have friends, but they live in a remote area and they aren't very close. I assured them that as long as he continues to do well in school, plays with some friends, and has his "niche", that he should be ok, but that their concern is understandable. I also let them know that they could contact us if there was anything that we do for them.

All this to say... when I walked out of the lab today, I felt really confident and worthwhile. I finally felt that I did something more than give a kid a test and write down some numbers. I felt excited and curious immediately about what his responses to the questionairres were- I almost wanted to do them myself, instead of having Sophie administer them. I immediately thought about which ones would be of concern, particularly the CDI, Parental Knowledge and Disclosure Questionairre, the Harter questionaire, RCMAS, etc. I wondered, with all of that going on in his life and his expression being so inward, what is really going on in his mind? I also thought about how well he sleeps with all of these things going on in his mind. I'm thinking about these things when I'm off campus. I'm thinking about how I hope this will be what my job is like, and not just about testing kids and talking to teachers about how to teach them- I'm hoping that if I have a more personal interaction with these kids, I will really like my job at the end of the day. I'm feeling confident and content. I'm feeling that my work in school really might be worth it in the end if I get a job that I enjoy and feel like I'm making a difference. I'm thinking, there are resources out there for kids and parents to reach out to, and most of them don't know about them or don't think they are worth making an effort to obtain, and I hope that they can come in contact with people who actually care and who actually can help them.

So that's my epiphany of the day. Here's to keeping up the motivation...
~MA